about Livejournal... Poor Livejournal. I have other places to write, but this is still the most gorgeous layout no?

I shouldn't abandon my random websites, but isn't that basically what we're all being set up to do?
Livejournal, Myspace, Facebook, Blogspot, DeviantART, Vampirefreaks, place-for-me-to-whine-my-ears-off, Blah Blah Blah Blah.... the list goes on and on and ooon!  Either we immerse ourselves in the "culture" of it and have no real life, or we make a whole bunch of websites for fun and then never use half of them .... heh...heh...

Can we guess which one Zoe is?

yeaaaah, its okay little LJ, I'm here now. and maybe this time, I'll even be a little consistant?

hey, I said maybe. --Z xxx

So I suck at blogging. its been FOREVER! but maybe beause i'm writing only to myself. it's sort of depressing and also discouraging. I have also been crazy busy, trying to fit time in with my boyfriend, looking for a job, working to finish two seminars, various lab reports and busy work as well as coming up with a new plot for my fake novel.

Also, I might be starting a buisiness. a card-making buisiness. 

Everthing's totally messy. and stressing me out. I think I'll take a sick day tomorrow.

I have some Big Academic News to share. OhMyGodITotallyGotIntoUniversity
 I improbably received early acceptance from Carleton University in Ottawa! 

I applied to three schools, the aforementioned Carleton, Queens University in Kingston and Trent University in Peterborough. Trent is sortof a safety school because I knew I could get in there. However I love the other two schools at an almost equal level.
Hey wanna help me with my decision? read on!! comment!!

Carleton
 I am mostly excited about this because...
1. I will be able to skate on the canal there in the winter
2. I will be very close to Quebec
3. The programs sound really great
4. The city is full of culture and art and things I love
5. I will probably get to practice my French
However, I haven't seen the dorm rooms there and I don't know anyone who will be going there either. also, I'm not sure is this is a pro or a con but... It's very far away from home. This school is also appealing because i have been accepted .... easy access.

Queens
I haven't heard from them but this is because I need to hand in my PSE before they can say anything.
this is why I love Queens...
1. My cousin goes to Queens, she and her friends showed me a great time while i was there for a visit and I am extremely pleased with the people dynamics.
2. The dorms are AMAZING.
3. I have had all my questions answered to my satisfaction
4. Their choir will let me join. I have picked my audition song.
5. they are selective about who can get in because they want people who will finish. driven and dedicated people will surround me!
This school is amazing. but I could think that just because I got comfortable there, my cousin introduced me to people and I had fun whereas with Carleton I only got a tour. Also, the city is not nearly as entertaining, Kingston is nice but not in the same league as Ottawa. it is closer to home however. I am still undecided about the merit of that as I mentioned before.

The whole university thing is just coming on really fast, I am not even through my first semester of grade twelve and already I have to make choices. Its hitting me hard, almost as hard as the realization back in kindergarten that the world was way bigger than I thought it was. It feels the same, like I'm in the deep end of the pool without the safety blanket of my orange water wings.

On a more social note...
I need some fun things to do when I have no plans. I mean, obviously, make plans is the way to go. Buuuuut I have no car. And I'm picky about my friends so there aren't as many plans available to be made...


who wants to hang out with someone who wears those curly "no tying necessary" shoelaces or someone who thinks fallacious is a dirty word? Who wants to hang out with people who eat condiments like they are a separate course? Not this particular teen thankyou-very-much.
Is it too much to ask for my friends to keep up with me, not to give me strange looks when I am at my weirdest most enthusiastic, to discriminate and be unfairly judgmental with me and not point out my hypocrisy? I don't think so.

I AM getting a job. It's decided. time to work on a resume. Any tips?

So Math class is a colossal waste of my life. Seriously, it's about as useful as a Xray machine for my bedroom. except having an Xray machine would rule, I'd end up swallowing pennies and trying to find them.... bad idea.

It's exam time and everyone is stressing, I'm way over it. like peanut butter.
(thats right, peanut butter is old news. Nutella, I LUFF YOU!)
I am doing great in all my classes and my exams can't really make that much of a difference. I should study but I cant find the motivation.

it's funny I can't find motivation because it's been driving me crazy lately. I have decided I need a life. So this weekend I started with a cleaning of my room (taming the Ferrel beast by putting it in an environment you want it to correspond with) And then I began my list for my "life improvement binge".(not New Years related. screw New Years resolutions)

My Goals:
1- Write more.
Thankyou notes, mail my friends in far places, keep up my pen-pal-ship (yeah you, Y.) And poetry of course.

2- Be "cultural".
I want to get the references people make in blogs and make my own so as to make an interesting contribution to the world. or at least to whoever has to listen to me babble.

3- Get a job.
I'm sick of saying i need a job. I DO need a job, so i will GET a job. motivation. I can't wait to finally have money coming in at regular intervals. I do well babysitting but it's entirely sporadic. I hopefully won't stop babysitting entirely, there are better snacks at babysitting than at any old job.

4- Mature.
I know I can't force this. but it's like the week I decided to make myself into a slut, do the thing on purpose long enough and it becomes nature.(I gave up on being "slutty" because its freaking winter, doi!) So if I take the high road consciously, it should translate into unconscious and I will maaaybe pass as someone who won't die when she moves out of her house. (this September!!!)

5- Be Happy In Love.
I need this. I really do. And I really think I have a chance of being blissful this year. This requires me being adventurous and exiting my comfort zone, this requires me to *shudder* talk about my feelings. Love is my favorite subject in the world, there will certainly be more posts on that front.

6- Eat better.
my constant diet of 'fruit by the foot' and pop tarts isn't going to cut it anymore. K tells me I will get sick of Nutella if I continue to eat it three times a day consistently. I disagree.
I have crohns disease (diagnosed this October) and so eating right should be high up on my agenda. I keep telling myself I'm golden because I don't drink pop... but I think that my carb addiction has rather made up for any possible grace granted. In fact, I may as well start drinking pop! wait... Bad Zoe!

7- Excercise
I WILL join the soccer team this spring. I will go on runs or at least walks. I will make use of the stationary bike in my basement when I am idly watching TV. I will buy (or steal from N) the Carmen Electra Aerobic Striptease DVD... its actually the most fun I've had in forever! It tones you but she's just so fun to make fun of!

8- stop procrastinating.
I'll finish this one later.
kidding wow. If it was up to me, I'd never end up doing anything. but as it is, I need to purge my life of crap. I need to do things, get active,get rid of a third of my stuff, do my work on time and be one of those totally boring, stick in the mud kids who are perfect and a curse to their siblings. except I'll also be me so... awesome!!!

gotta run (but I'll probably end up slothing) to catch my bus. the Dreaded Math Man has left the building.

Dear Livejournal,

So everyone has been ignoring you lately huh?
When i go to my little friendy-page thing... there are no entries.... I feel for you I really do...
But I have to be where the action is, you knew that about me when I first started coming around
Don't give me that face, if you didn't have a goat for a mascot maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Yes, okay, the rumours are true.
I HAVE BEEN READING BLOGSPOT FOR FUN.
You let me down with your anti-social ways.
Everyone has fun with Blogspot, it's a party over there..... and you're sitting there reading "HTML codes for Dummies".
Seriously, if the funnest thing about you is that I can dress you up...
well...
lets put it this way, Barbie's hotter.
And I hate Barbie.

(seriously with a passion..... I had this project for Ancient History and MAN OH MAN
I loved playing with Barbie that day.... other than that, my experience has been... minimal to destructive, but I digress....)

I have decided to pretend you are a BlogSpot. mostly because I'm too lazy to set up yet another account in this vortex we call
"the internet", I'd lose my password in an instant, I'm very forgetful. in fact if I hadn't just gone back and read what I wrote...
I wouldn't know what I was really talking about.

I am going to start posting real stories with real meaning... and I miiiight attempt to be funny. I know. scary.
I'm sorry if you're offended, LJ, but a modern girl has got to do.... whatever modern girls do.
(And that seems to be .... pretend everything's alright- he's just stressed- that keg didn't have that much beer in it....)

I don't even know if this "just friends" thing will work out. I may have to switch over entirely
And if i do... remember the good times, when I was thirteen and emo and having a livejournal was possibly the
most mainstream and perfect thing imaginable.

(how do i end this? do i say goodbye? too casual. love you? too emotional. See you around? thats SO cliche!!!! umm.....)

So I'll see you around.

Bye.

So life is good, thats what I keep telling myself.
I have a boyfriend who is super amazing if slightly anti-social (this is a huge part of the life is good thing)
I have super awesome best friends who love me and help me sleep
I am getting good grades so far in school
And I'm getting along with my mom...

But today is awful.
I have a HUGE two month project due friday that I started on monday plus two more projects due next week.
I have a sleeping disorder or something where I cant sleep when i need too cz I'm too stressed
My stomach is trying to eat its way out of my body so I cant walk
And everyone has a life so they cant spend their time worrying about me
ew! ew! ew!

but I'll just think about his smile and it will all go away
i hope

Christmas...

It’s a wonderful time...

Sure its materialistic, Expensive, WAAAAAY Over-Advertised....

But there’s something special about waking up and knowing that

Your family are going to be in the same house for this one day.

Something Special about Giving presents... they’re not really presents—

They’re love... or obligation, however cynical you want to be.

I’m more excited to give presents than to receive them,

I want everyone to know that I was thinking about them

And not just... at the store.

I want people to know I was thinking about them for a long time before the moment that they get the present...

I want people to know that I imagined their look of joy or surprise upon opening my gift to them...

I want people to feel like they are wanted by me.

Sometimes I can be...

Less than encouraging.

But I love My family and friends.

Christmas is the time to show them

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

(AND HAPPY “OTHER SEASONAL HOLIDAY’S)

I LOVE YOU GUYS

So a lot of people keep dying. And its making me upset.
And introspective.
I don't know my family very well... I should know them better.
I should really make something of my life. I need to.
I need to play music, and love the world... and be HAPPY.
..........its hard when all these people keep dying.

Death makes me think, about life, and my life.
And the choices I'm making. And shouldn't be making.
I'm afraid I'm slipping away into a vortex of words and choices
that I seem to have been absent for in the decision process.

Do you ever forget who you are? and Try to fake it... and it doesn't work?
well... it does for everyone BUT you.
I can't find anything to do with myself.
I need a good book... I need MANY good books.

WHO CAN TELL ME A GOOD BOOK????

I'm spending a lot of time by myself thinking about certain other people... these people are a big deal in my life
I'm not such a big deal in theirs.
I'm quite a deal.... but not... like they are in mine.
It's sad.
This is why I need a hobby... and a job. I'm getting a job. I don't know where....

WHO CAN GIVE ME A GOOD JOB????

Before I close this chapter of angst in my petty human life, I will say this:
 In the End, you can live on in memories... but only if you've done something memorable. So stop reading blogs and LIVE.